This is a group is a place where we discuss our scoliosis stories.Also as try to spread awareness for Scoliosis.It's a place to share our stories,and learn more about scoliosis.
Latest Activity: Mar 10
My Back, My Spine, My scoliosis, my scoliosis journey.
Well it all started at the Art Studio. I was about twelve years old .It wasn’t there very long after starting the classes that I started to experience serve back pain. I would sit at my easel painting away, and have sharp excruciating pain in my back and it would effect my breathing. Sometimes it would feel like a sharp knife was digging into my back and spine. It became difficult to breathe, difficult to bare. I stared at the clock as if it would help the 2 hour class go by quicker. Each class felt longer and more agonising. When my mom or dad would pick me up after class, I would be incredibly pale. My mom noticed it first. She asked if I felt sick, I shook my head, ’’No.’ At first I didn’t tell them, I was hoping it would just go away, but the pain became so unbearable, that I had trouble walking to the car, after class. All I wanted at that point was to lie down.
We made an appointment with my family doctor, she thought it was ‘’back pain.’’ She referred me to a physiotherapist, who also thought it was ’’just back pain.’’ The treatments were nice, and interesting. As I lied as if I was a corpse as they put strange scented things on me, and did strange treatments. Sometimes I felt as if I was in a whole different world. Sometimes it was as if I was abducted by these humanoids, and I became their test subject. I liked physiotherapy and the cute boys, *giggles* I mean the hot students, well. The older boy students that just happened to be very attractive. There. *laughs*
Anyways, it wasn’t helping as much as I hoped. I went back to the family doctor. She referred me to get x-rays.*takes a deep breathe* We went back to my family doctor. ``Sharaya, you have mild scoliosis.’’ my parents and I looked at her in shock.`` It’s just mild, so its treatable.’’ As I was in complete dumbfounded shock, she continued talking. I swear I must have zoned out, the first sentence, was enough for me. She was talking about my curvature and treatments, if I remember correctly. I don’t remember much from that conversation, I as too spellbound to even speak. As her words turned into just a blurred memory, I just sat there in disbelief. I was no longer there, in that room, I was mentally, somewhere else. It was if a mine just exploded beside me, as the shellshock continued. Her words became just mute movements of her mouth, my ears no longer could hear her. I just sat there, listening, but not really there.
I returned to school the next day more self conscious then the day before. . I kept quiet about my scoliosis, don’t want them to have any more material to work with. As the people in my class, became more cruel. I shrivelled up into my shell, afraid to peer through to see the sunshine, as my downheartedness became my eternal fate. So I suffered in silence. As the world seemed to crash and burn around me, I was just a broken girl in the rubble. My makeup smeared upon my pillow. I became as sad as a weeping willow. My branches hung, as I slouched. Trying to reach peoples’ expectations, yet trying not to loose myself in the process. Depression started to wrap its dark arms around me, until it covered me like a blanket in the winter’s cold. Anger started to burn inside, but I stayed silent. Their words pierced through the wall I so desperately built. They blew it over, with winds stronger than the Big Bad Wolf. I stayed in my shell, hiding from hell, but hell started to crash through my walls. So many walls for such a young girl. Her first love, her father, is no where near, as he’s out with his buddies drinking beer. As his daughter is over her, crying her soul away. So young, she is. So she calls out to her Daddy, and when he fails, she calls for her other Father, her Daddy in Heaven.. Time goes by. Another few x-rays too.
And now were onto stage two. We went back to my family doctor, who at this point is more like a family friend, since I’ve known her my entire life.*smiles at you* Well any who, results for the x-rays come in, and we compare both. We do this both with my family doctor, and another doctor in Hamilton. Hamilton doctor, was awesome! She called me love-a ,I thought it was cute. Well, anyway long story short, she coaxed me into getting a back brace. *rolls my eyes.* Well, that’s when I met Laurie, an ido-something, she was great. She fitted me for my brace. Measured me, my rapidly growing body. At this point, I was about 5ft 6’’.Tallest of all my friends, still am. I was longer than the bed I had to lie on for this brace’s creation. Well the creation of the monster I was going to wear for the next year, was sort of like Frankenstein., I suppose. But I was the pile of corpse parts, being trapped in materials, and plaster…I was becoming like your paper mashe projects from grade school. It was so strange, it felt so weird. As these strangers hands caressed my body. It felt so strange.
The summer of brace#1 was the hottest possible summer to wear a back brace. The heat was unbearable, I had difficulty wearing the thing. I nearly passed out so many times…The kid’s in my class teased me about it, and this one time, I gave a little boy a bloody nose, when he ran into me. I felt so bad…I got in trouble with the principal. ``All I was doing was standing there, I swear, and he ran into me, I didn’t do anything…’’The principal give me a ‘’yea right’’ look. Then I figured it was probably the brace, the giant plastic monster wrapped around me. The poor kid, ran into a thick plastic wall, and 5ft 7 ,120 pound girl.
Wearing the brace was a long and depressing time. Later on, I discovered that I had to wear a second brace, shortly after I was finished with the first. I was very agitated about this. Since my family wasn’t doing so well financially at this time. A back brace costs $3,000,but the price was raised because it was my second brace. Luckily, the government pays for a good portion of it, so does insurance. But last time, insurance was being jerks. So we were worried about if insurance would help us again because at this point we were having a hard enough time, buying groceries.
Well, I agreed to the second brace. At this point in time, while waiting for brace #2, I started to notice that the first brace as much as it helped me, it damaged some parts of my body. It’s more difficult to breathe. Sometimes when I have pain, and when I have pain or discomfort it is usually where the focus points/pressure points were on my brace. This terrified me when I started wearing the second back brace. I went through the fitting, and creation process all over again.*sighs* But there was one problem, before this, I started growing, and I was growing fast. I was eating like a trucker.*laughs* By the time I got the second back brace, it was more like a corset. I could not breathe, and when I would wear it ,I’d nearly pass out. I barely wore it because of this, and this frustrated my Dad. He tried to play the blame game, and make it my fault, that I wasn’t wearing it, and in my defence I’d say if I can’t breathe in it, why would I wear it? It bothered him even after our constant arguments about it. But really, if I can’t breathe in it, why would I wear it?
After the second brace, I went back to the doctor that called me ‘’love-a’’. I had a x-ray taken before I saw her. She told me that bracing was no longer necessary and that I should start to consider surgery. At that moment my heart sunk. Surgery? I can’t…it can’t possibly be. My worst nightmare is coming to life. I locked all my emotions inside of me, like a safe. Trying to stay sane, trying to stay calm. Surgery? The word echoed in my mind. I was no longer present inside my body. I hid inside my shell, protected behind my walls. Naked without my body. The word repeated over and over like when that song gets stuck in your head. I became zombie like. My only human interactions were nods and sounds. All I wanted at that moment was to curl up in a ball and cry. I blanked out like when I found out I had scoliosis, but this was much worst, even more devastating. I had an appointment with the surgeon, a month away from this point. It was just talking, but the words ‘’surgery’’ and surgeon’’ we’re echoing inside my head, spinning around inside my head like a carousel. My depression worsened as time leered on.
I became very stressed, as the appointment with the surgeon was around the corner. Even though I knew it was just talking, it still worried me. My boyfriend at the time, our relationship was very stressful. He wasn’t very understanding. It was all about him and his needs. He did help me, sometimes, but not the kind of help I needed nor wanted.I didn’t tell my friends about it .I don’t know why. I started to talk to other scoliosis patients. I suggest this to anyone with scoliosis. Or if you just want to learn about it. My best friend, Lauren was a huge help. This is a major shout out to her.J The appointment with the surgeon went very well. I really liked him. Recently I had another appointment with him, and this month, of July 2012.I have to decide to get surgery or not. I’m petrified. But I have to decide, and I have to decide soon. It’s absolutely terrifying.
But here’s the facts:
FACTS: -In the last 2-3 years, my curve has increased from a 19 degree to almost 60 degrees. - Between October of 2011,and February of 2012 my curve went from 45.7 degree to a 57.7 degree curve. -